why do cheetos always look like penises
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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