You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
