dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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