It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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