I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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