WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I die, sorry about rent.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
