I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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