I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
