Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
