i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just pee around me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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