Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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