So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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