so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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