sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
