Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
