She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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