Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize