Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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