my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
