The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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