ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
