I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
