oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize