Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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