Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
