just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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