well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
