From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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