you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can't motorboat a personality
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
