I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
