im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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