im having a threesome with these popsicles
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
