my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
