You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So vagazzling was a success
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
