he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
