He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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