I'm jealous of your bromance
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
