Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
