Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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