I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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