my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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