i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
