apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
