I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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