I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
MIDGETS
????
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
