haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
