Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
