My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
tell me about the fingering
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
