Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
