So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He kissed a someone with a penis
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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