so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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