I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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