At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
