How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
