Whoa Z and x make the same sound
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
