Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
zippers are such a cool invention
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
