im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
