This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This girl is more easily done than said...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
