So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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