so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's shark week go big or go home
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
