thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
