dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Are we still banned from the library?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
