when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
