his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize