He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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