i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
