I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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