i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
