Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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